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Polly Young-Eisendrath's avatar

Thanks for this piece. I am a psychologist and Jungian analyst who works with couples and adult pairs to break through polarization. We use the term “projective identification” to talk about the emotional entanglement of assuming that you know someone else’s intentions and feelings (without asking them) — meaning you attribute their motives to them. All humans have strong emotional needs to control others in order to get their own needs met. This kind of interaction begins in infancy before we have words, but then after we have language, we lay the words on top of the emotions and we criticize, attack, destroy, defeat and even kill others because we believe “they” need to be controlled. “We” are morally superior. Moral superiority is one of the biggest problems for human beings and it’s connected to politics, opinions, religion and now has been connected to “calling-out culture” that ruins people on the internet. Cognitive science has demonstrated that humans are about 95% unconscious most of the time. Have a look at Kathryn Schulz’s book “Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margins of Error” and you will see that people are wrong about what they saw, heard, and remember a majority of the time. So in addition to the hatred and enmity that is generated by polarization, it generates a lot of errors and mistakes and truly dehumanizing views of other people. The only possibility of true problem-solving once polarization has gotten going, and there is defensiveness, moral superiority and mistake-making all around, is to gain an ability to lower emotional threat and work with one’s own seeing/hearing/feeling. At the Center for Real Dialogue (www.realdialogue.org), a new non-profit start-up where I am Executive Director, we are assembling a wide array of courses to teach the Skill of Real Dialogue which is Speaking for Yourself, Listening Mindfully, and Remaining Curious. We also teach about learning from our defeats and failures and remaining modest about what we know because we are often wrong. Political differences are often a matter of style, level of development, and family or other influences. There will never be just one side that is correct because of the nature of being human: we are often wrong, we like to control each other, and we can see only a narrow range of any reality as individuals. We need each other to solve our problems. We need to speak and listen mindfully in order to work with our own minds, especially once conflicts get going. There’s a long road to reckoning with how wrong we are and I appreciate your work, Zach, in trying to wake up the liberals to their one-sidedness. We need both sides of all human perspectives because we so one-sided, by our nature.

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Margo Margan's avatar

You know, this post really helped open my mind...

I had previously been locked into a lot of ways of black-and-white thinking around certain subjects. Even after openly dissenting, there's still a passive voice in the back of my head telling me I have to follow the views of the side I used to belong to. Take police violence, I assumed I could only see it revolving around race, everything tied back to race, and the only different takes on it would be different race-related solutions coming from anti-racism activists who disapproved of the most commonly seen tactics. I never thought to consider guns as even a part of it.

Or, in general, looking at all the moving parts of society as a whole, and how different practical solutions may affect them. All I knew for years was "identity politics."

As a conservative, I'm happy to find we have a lot of common ground! Thank you for sharing this piece.

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